Today

Today marks 7 months of living a healthy and smoke-free life. I've been able to do so many things in those months that I never could have done while smoking. I continued to bike to school every day of the week as well as use my bike to get around town. Back in November, I started biking less but going to the gym to run on the treadmill and before I left for Costa Rica in late December, I was able to run a 5K non-stop! While I was in Costa Rica, I was hiking a lot and was never out of breath. Now back in Vermont, I am back at the gym and doing yoga with my girlfriend. All of these things would never have happened had I still been smoking, or at least I would have been a very unhappy person. Overall, I'm feeling confident and proud of the person I have become since I quit that dirty habit. I found this image yesterday and it reminded me of how I kept motivated in those early attempts to quit.

Summer of Changes

Today it is October 14th. The last time I made a post on this blog was exactly 6 months ago.

A lot has changed since I last posted in April. Back then, I had quit smoking for nearly two months when I slipped up several times. I then stopped for a while because my partner and I were going on a trip to San Francisco and I wasn't going to ruin the trip for us by smoking every chance I got when we were supposed to be enjoying ourselves. But when we came back, a few weeks past and in June, I started smoking again, pretty regularly. But also behind Liz's back (that sounds familiar). I guess that continued on and off again for a month or so. I was working and taking a summer class so I had a lot of opportunities to smoke without getting caught. The weird thing about it was that I wasn't hiding from anyone else. I was hiding only from Liz. Probably because she is the only one that calls me out on my shit and really cares about me and my health. And because I know how happy she is when I don't smoke.

Sometime in early July, I decided that I should be using my bike more and decided I would try to bike to work a couple times a week. Let me tell you, that first week was terrible. You see, my college (where I also work in a lab), is at the top of a very long, steep hill in Burlington, VT. My apartment is at the very bottom of that hill. So, as someone who was very out of shape and a smoker, biking up that hill was a nightmare. The silly thing is that I remember when I would get to campus, I would sit down and light up. How backwards is that?

My desire to bike more often stemmed from my desire to be more sustainable in my transportation mode. I was really tired of using my car to get everywhere, even places that I could easily walk (or bike) to. Though I love Big Blue (my loyal little Subaru), it was time to stop relying on him to get me places.

One day, as I was riding home from work, I decided I would stop at the neighborhood bike shop to invest in a pump for my bike. Doing so was like signing a contract. If I was going to commit towards taking good care of my bike, then I had to use it as often as possible. And to do that, I needed to quit smoking. On the way home from the bike shop, I tossed a nearly full pack of cigarettes into someone's recycling bin and never looked back.

From that point onward, things just kept getting better and better. I was biking to work nearly every day and biking up that hill was slowly getting easier and easier. I also started keeping track of my weight around the same time I quit smoking, which has been a blessing in disguise. Quitting smoking allowed me to bike more, which in turn allowed me to lose weight, which in turn inspired me to not smoke. It was a win-win situation all around.

(not my bike, but same model)

That was July 12th when I quit smoking. Three months later, here I am. Still not smoking and (currently) 16 pounds lighter. I could not be more happy with my body. For a long time, I treated it like shit. But now, I respect my body and am proud of the things it is capable of doing. I am a dedicated cyclist commuter (even though my commute is very short) and have truly fell in love with urban cycling. All that money I have saved from not buying $9 packs of cigarettes has allowed me to buy accessories for my bike that make it safe and easier to commute.

It's been a long ride, but  I am so happy I did it. And it's not over yet. I am so grateful to my girlfriend for supporting me through this time and constantly reminding me (not intentionally) of why I quit smoking in the first place.

I can finally . . .

We Won't Get Fooled Again

Since the last time I posted, which was a long time ago, I have ran into some roadblocks. I slipped up . . . twice. The first time, I bought a pack of cigarettes thinking that would only smoke one and "save" the rest for another stressful time. I was having the most stressful week of the spring semester and felt that smoking one cigarette would not be a big deal.

And it wasn't . . . until I had another. And another. And another. Until my partner found out and gave the pack of cigarettes I had bought away to some stranger. And I was okay with that.

Then, a week later, I found myself feeling extremely lonely, depressed, and stressed. So I bought another pack, this time more reluctantly because of the money I knew I was wasting. This time was different though. When I slipped up the first time, it was as if I had never smoked a cigarette in my entire life and it tasted SO GOOD. But the second  time, not so much. It was like, oh, this shitty feeling again.

So here I am, at the library when I should be doing my homework. The cigarettes are gone. And I'm starting over again. I think the worst thing that came of this was the fact that I lied to my girlfriend and told her no, I hadn't smoked, multiple times. I feel really shitty about it because she is there for me 110% and just wants me to be happy and healthy.

So for all of us that have slipped up here and there, let's just move on and hope it doesn't happen again. For me, my addictive brain tricked me into thinking that what I needed in that moment was a cigarette when all I really needed was to tell someone I was feeling sad, or lonely, or stressed out. Don't let your addiction fool you. Really think about what your body and mind needs right now.

Let it be spring

Here I am at the end of day 10 of smoking cessation. The ups and downs of nicotine withdrawal have gone and passed, but the psychological cravings still linger. I've been eating like hippopotamus, not going to the gym, taking it easy. I've been trying to have some self-compassion through this whole process so I am okay with not eating healthily or exercising regularly.

BUT. It has to stop at some point. Right?

My friends, it is time. Time to start eating right and pulling myself back together. I am feeling so empowered by the arrival of spring in Vermont and it feels so good to be treating my body so well. I can't wait for those days of lounging on the Green, being warm, and of course, turning 21 in April. It's going to be a spring I will never forget.

Maybe spring is the best time to quit smoking. It's a time for new life, growth, and turning over the seasons. I wonder what the success rate is for quitters according to what month of the year they started their quit . . .

Anyways, I am beginning the process of healing from nicotine addiction and am excited to start ridding my body of all the tar and toxins I put into it for three years. Eating healthily isn't just good for your weight - it can help your body detox. Lots of water is essential, too. I'm also trying to drink more tea (specifically green tea) and decrease the amount of coffee I drink.

Let's take a quick look at some of the toxins we were putting into our bodies:

Yikes. Isn't it weird that we become so addicted to a naturally-occurring herbicide/insecticide? Nicotine is produced by a lot of different plants - tobacco especially - as a pathogen defense molecule.

Yum.

All of the things

Day 7. Oh. Em. Gee.

I did it y'all! Made it through my first week smoke-free and I have to say, I'm feeling pretty dandy. I can SMELL and TASTE so much better now, no more cotton-mouth. I LOVE EATING.

So what's ahead of me in terms of the whole timeline after quitting?

They say I will on average have 3 cue-induced cravings per day, each only last roughly 3 minutes. Not bad. For now, I am sticking to the "One day at a time" approach until I reach the point where I am sure I will not slip up.

It's been one helluva week and am curious as to how the next week will turn out. Now that the withdrawal is over with, it all comes down to good decision-making.

P.S. I'm hoping all of you are getting my memes . . . if not, you should get on that shit.

Sleep When You're Dead!

Good morning folks!

So day 4 was a complete shit show!

No but really, it was awful. I drank way to much coffee and it made me sick to my stomach and my heart race and was pretty much having a heart attack. Rational me was like "caffeine and nicotine are both stimulants so if I get rid of nicotine, I should just increase my caffeine intake!"

Yeah right.

The cravings were awful yesterday. Why is it SO easy to just go buy a pack of cigarettes? It's like what they say "Easy to start, hard to quit."

Anyways, at this point in time, all the nicotine should be out of my system. That's good news. It means the worst of the physical withdrawl symptoms are over.

In other news, I'm getting ready to take a road trip to visit family. If you've read previous posts, you know that smoking in the car was one of my favorite places to smoke. Now I won't be able to take a smoke break on the trip, which shall be interesting. I don't know about you, but when I'm driving alone, I get bored and just bide my time by smoking.

I think I will do fine, especially since I'm bringing my cat Harvey-Milk Mustache with me and little Harvey doesn't want any of that second-hand smoke. He's my son and I couldn't do that to him.

Ew.

Alright, time to go pack for this endeavor.

But before I do, if you haven't figured it out already, I'm a big fucking queermo. I mean come on - Harvey Milk-Mustache? So ghey.

See the resemblance?

Day 3

It's my third day smoke-free! It feels like it's been months since my last cigarette because time is so slow in my mind. This whole time perception is a real thing though. In 2003, there was a study showing that quitters perception of time stretched by 50%. Isn't it strange that we do this?

Anyways, I'm feeling good about my quitting today. I was able to drive by the gas stations where I used to buy my cigarettes and not stop and go buy a pack and blow the whole thing. Yay!

My eating habits have definitely changed. My girlfriend and I have been eating very healthy for the past two months and have tried to avoid the things that are bad for us. For me, that thing is sweets. Cookies, pastries, scones, ice cream, you name it. I have one hell of a sweet tooth. Like other quitters, I am somewhat replacing my smoking habits with eating habits, reaching for anything sweet I can get my hands on. Part of me is distraught by this but on the other hand, my number one prioirty should be abstaining from smoking, and then I can worry about other parts of my health. This craving for sweets stems partly from the fact that nicotine releases sugar into my bloodstream and without it, my brain feels depleted of its sugar high. Therefore, I try to make up for this by eating sweet foods. It's all part of the withdrawal process.

I also learned that I won't be needing as much caffeine as I did when I smoked. Nicotine blocks the receptors for caffeine by 50%, so smokers need twice caffeine than non-smokers to achieve the desired effect. This was totally true for me. I was probably drinking on average 6 cups of coffee a day, sometimes more. I do feel more alert than usual but I'm not sure if my caffeine tolerance will decrease as all the nicotine leaves my system.

Until the next craving, have a splendid day readers!